The most successful teams I have seen, from sports to the workplace to philanthropic groups, are ones on which every participant is working with others doing what each does best. The teams that I watch fail are those where everyone is trying to be the star and no on wants to play a supporting role. I was in 3rd grade PE class when I learned that winning was important to everyone. Not being very coordinated and, quite frankly, caring more about friends than winning or losing, I was never first choice for any teams. I remember being so very confused that people I thought were friends were choosing others for their team because they had a better chance of winning. In sixth grade I realized that I was not in the “smartest” class, only the “second smartest” in my grade and I was too young to realize that in my case, changing classes meant going from the top of second to the bottom of first.
To this day I have a problem with competition. Yes, I realize that competition can push us to be better, give us something to strive for etc., but we are assuming that without competition we would turn into lumps. Instead, I suggest that in fostering competition we are encouraging a society where there is a hierarchy of abilities instead of a society that recognizes each person for what they are good at.
More times than not I see children as young as four years old, sad, depressed, angry (note none of these are positive emotions) because they weren’t the best at one or two activities.
Let’s imagine for a minute that instead of competing for one or two coveted spots on a team or in school, each child was recognized for what they are good at. That every child’s unique contributions to the world were cherished. Do we really think that under those circumstances our corporate, social and financial worlds would do anything but thrive? Not to mention what the spirit of collaboration could do for world peace.
I see parents pushing their children earlier and earlier in sports, academics, dance, art….trying to secure a “top spot” in their child’s future. I also see a lot of kids suffering from anxiety, depression, and stress disorders in elementary and middle school. It’s not too late to change our world. Here are a few ways to help foster collaboration and bringing out your child’s unique talents.
1) Let your child try lots of sports, art and social activities before deciding on which one they excel at. Don’t tell them how they are doing, praise them for trying and let them tell you how the activity makes them feel. It is OK to do something just because it’s fun.
2) Do household projects as a family letting each person choose the part of the activity they will enjoy most. Then talk about how quickly the project got finished and what each person enjoyed most about it.
3) If you have multiple children, let the kids help each other with difficult homework problems or projects. Letting them help each other not only lets each child shine, but it teaches the children that one person (the parent) doesn’t have to be great at everything!
4) Ask for help and let your children see you do that. In acknowledging that you are not an expert at everything, you open the doors for your children to know it’s OK to do the same.
5) Let your children see you share your talents with others. They will then want to share their gifts as well.
Little Soul Productions 